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lindsayrobertson: Jon Gosselin is just fucking with us now. OMG OBVS. Sorry for not being around very much or taking care of this blog or doing my part to populate the moon with assholes! This is Jon Gosselin smoking cigarettes with his new girlfriend, who is 22. He is the father of 8 children under the age of 10 whom he shamelessly exploited on national television, which at first we didn’t realize because it seemed like he was sincere when he and his then-wife Kate said that they just wanted a way to record their children’s early years because, having 8 kids, they couldn’t do it themselves (and also money, but at that point they were poor as shit and totes needed it—remember how EIGHT KIDS?). Now he is divorcing Kate, whose Flock of Seagulls haircut has its own publicist I hear, and dating the daughter of the man who gave Kate a tummy tuck after she gave birth to six babies. TO THE MOON WITH YOU BOTH! says I.

lindsayrobertson:

Jon Gosselin is just fucking with us now.

OMG OBVS. Sorry for not being around very much or taking care of this blog or doing my part to populate the moon with assholes!

This is Jon Gosselin smoking cigarettes with his new girlfriend, who is 22. He is the father of 8 children under the age of 10 whom he shamelessly exploited on national television, which at first we didn’t realize because it seemed like he was sincere when he and his then-wife Kate said that they just wanted a way to record their children’s early years because, having 8 kids, they couldn’t do it themselves (and also money, but at that point they were poor as shit and totes needed it—remember how EIGHT KIDS?).

Now he is divorcing Kate, whose Flock of Seagulls haircut has its own publicist I hear, and dating the daughter of the man who gave Kate a tummy tuck after she gave birth to six babies. TO THE MOON WITH YOU BOTH! says I.

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Kelly KILLOREN Bensimon. Obviously. Gather ye ugly owl jewelry while ye may, Kelly, because you’re goin’ to the moon! (P.S. Sad news, assault is still illegal there. Keep your hands to yourself!)

Kelly KILLOREN Bensimon.

Obviously.

Gather ye ugly owl jewelry while ye may, Kelly, because you’re goin’ to the moon!

(P.S. Sad news, assault is still illegal there. Keep your hands to yourself!)

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I know I haven’t been updating lately, but I pledge to do better—feel free to send me links or pictures of people who should live on the moon with all these other clowns. Everybody can breathe a sigh of relief, though, because that first batch of awfuls just got shipped off to the moon. Atlantis dropped them off on its way to the Hubble Telescope. You’re welcome, Earth.

I know I haven’t been updating lately, but I pledge to do better—feel free to send me links or pictures of people who should live on the moon with all these other clowns.

Everybody can breathe a sigh of relief, though, because that first batch of awfuls just got shipped off to the moon. Atlantis dropped them off on its way to the Hubble Telescope. You’re welcome, Earth.

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Arthur Kade is a menace. Not because he thinks he’s the hottest, suavest, richest, most talented, most successful financial-planner-turned-model-turned-actor (who lives in Philadelphia, go figure), or because, in reality, he’s a semi-literate self-aggrandizing douchebag, or because he’s got a disgusting attitude toward women (who, ladies, PUH-LEASE do not give this waste of space the time of day)…it’s because he ACTUALLY THINKS SOMEBODY CARES AND WILL NOT STOP TALKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARTHUR KADE I MEAN REALLY! You’re barely a human being! You’re totally worthless and only interesting insofar as it is fun to watch Gawker pick on you for sport, but actually it’s just sad because your total lack of self-awareness will never, ever allow you to see what a joke you actually are. I’m sending you to Saturn, because even the d-bags on the moon don’t deserve you. Oh, and BTW: Saturn is a big ball of gas, just like you. I think you’ll get along REAL well.

Arthur Kade is a menace. Not because he thinks he’s the hottest, suavest, richest, most talented, most successful financial-planner-turned-model-turned-actor (who lives in Philadelphia, go figure), or because, in reality, he’s a semi-literate self-aggrandizing douchebag, or because he’s got a disgusting attitude toward women (who, ladies, PUH-LEASE do not give this waste of space the time of day)…it’s because he ACTUALLY THINKS SOMEBODY CARES AND WILL NOT STOP TALKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARTHUR KADE I MEAN REALLY! You’re barely a human being! You’re totally worthless and only interesting insofar as it is fun to watch Gawker pick on you for sport, but actually it’s just sad because your total lack of self-awareness will never, ever allow you to see what a joke you actually are.

I’m sending you to Saturn, because even the d-bags on the moon don’t deserve you. Oh, and BTW: Saturn is a big ball of gas, just like you. I think you’ll get along REAL well.

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“ If you are a hot girl, then it is imperative that everything is shaved, or clean to the point that there is minimal hair. I have had many experiences with beautiful women where they have been amazing looking (especially Internationally), but upon further investigation they are not properly groomed, and I have actually stopped in the middle of the act. One of the many things I notice on a girl while talking to them, and figuring out whether I am going to have them is their: nails, hair, make-up, and skin, and this will many times separate girls who are hot (8’s and 9’s) from girls who I want to take it to the next level with that night (10’s). I remember once going home with a girl from Bungalow 8 in NYC who was a 10, and when I saw her naked and ungroomed, I became so disgusted that I asked her to leave my apartment, and when she said “What’s wrong?” I told her, “I am not into the hair thing”. She told me she hadn’t been with anyone in 2 months, and wasn’t planning on anything that night, so I decided to let her stay over. That next weekend when we hung out she was totally shaved. ”
—

Arthur Kade, who I will not give the pleasure of a link (via jgh)

I just came on to shoot Arthur Kade to Saturn (I don’t really hate the people on the moon so much that I would subject them to him) and I saw this. AUTO REBLOG!

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Ugh, Madonna. I know this is kicking a horse-faced woman while she’s down (because she fell off a horse) or whatever, but seriously, Madonna has got to go. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER SHENANIGANS. She’s been shenanigizing every since BEFORE I WAS BORN. I don’t even know where to start with a litany of her offenses, but let’s go with an incomplete list of Kabbalah, Kabbalah water, $5 million London Kabbalah centers, the red string bracelet, that attention whorey kiss with Britney Spears that happened forever ago (remember? I’m sure the boys do), her constant ridiculous Malawi baby-adoptin’ drama, her acrimonious split from Guy Richie, her rumored insupportable craziness, the fact that she refuses to age with dignity and grace and thus has transformed herself into something resembling a sinewy piece of beef jerky, and the inappropriate suggestiveness of this advertisement I found via Google Images for her Confessions tour I mean seriously Madonna act like a lady. Also, the single “Music.” Don’t worry, Madge, there’s a huge Kabbalah center on the moon. I put it there especially for you. They do Pilates and yoga eighteen times a day. You’ll like it.

Ugh, Madonna. I know this is kicking a horse-faced woman while she’s down (because she fell off a horse) or whatever, but seriously, Madonna has got to go. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER SHENANIGANS. She’s been shenanigizing every since BEFORE I WAS BORN. I don’t even know where to start with a litany of her offenses, but let’s go with an incomplete list of Kabbalah, Kabbalah water, $5 million London Kabbalah centers, the red string bracelet, that attention whorey kiss with Britney Spears that happened forever ago (remember? I’m sure the boys do), her constant ridiculous Malawi baby-adoptin’ drama, her acrimonious split from Guy Richie, her rumored insupportable craziness, the fact that she refuses to age with dignity and grace and thus has transformed herself into something resembling a sinewy piece of beef jerky, and the inappropriate suggestiveness of this advertisement I found via Google Images for her Confessions tour I mean seriously Madonna act like a lady. Also, the single “Music.”

Don’t worry, Madge, there’s a huge Kabbalah center on the moon. I put it there especially for you. They do Pilates and yoga eighteen times a day. You’ll like it.

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No, no, I like Amir Blumenfeld and have no desire to send him to the moon. You know who should go to the moon, though? Perry Russerts, Umbrella Theif [sic]. What a dick, you know? This would be sort of funny if once Amir realized he took his umbrella and went after him he just sort of laughed and gave it back and was like, “Sorry, friend, improv or whatever,” but the guy ran and then slapped Amir and then jumped in a cab and then threw the umbrella into the street anyway so WTF was the point? Perry Russerts, you umbrella-thieving skeeze, go straight to the moon, do not pass Go, do not collect $200!

No, no, I like Amir Blumenfeld and have no desire to send him to the moon. You know who should go to the moon, though? Perry Russerts, Umbrella Theif [sic]. What a dick, you know? This would be sort of funny if once Amir realized he took his umbrella and went after him he just sort of laughed and gave it back and was like, “Sorry, friend, improv or whatever,” but the guy ran and then slapped Amir and then jumped in a cab and then threw the umbrella into the street anyway so WTF was the point?

Perry Russerts, you umbrella-thieving skeeze, go straight to the moon, do not pass Go, do not collect $200!

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stfuparents: “Soon, machines could twitter as much as people. Corey Menscher, a graduate student at New York University, developed the Kickbee, an elastic band with vibration sensors that his pregnant wife wore to alert Twitter each time the baby kicked: “I kicked Mommy at 08:52 PM on Fri, Jan 2!” Mr. Menscher is now considering selling the product.” Yes, PLEASE put this highly important invention on the market. If you think about it, parents have so many outlets to discuss their unborn babies, but the baby doesn’t have a voice in the process! How discriminatory is that?! And how adorable will it be to receive constant updates on these babies’ kicks? Corey Menscher, you are a godsend. (NYT story submitted by Mike) OMG, totally. Spawn on the moon from now on, Corey and Ellen!

stfuparents:

“Soon, machines could twitter as much as people. Corey Menscher, a graduate student at New York University, developed the Kickbee, an elastic band with vibration sensors that his pregnant wife wore to alert Twitter each time the baby kicked: “I kicked Mommy at 08:52 PM on Fri, Jan 2!” Mr. Menscher is now considering selling the product.”

Yes, PLEASE put this highly important invention on the market. If you think about it, parents have so many outlets to discuss their unborn babies, but the baby doesn’t have a voice in the process! How discriminatory is that?! And how adorable will it be to receive constant updates on these babies’ kicks? Corey Menscher, you are a godsend.

(NYT story submitted by Mike)

OMG, totally. Spawn on the moon from now on, Corey and Ellen!

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stfumarrieds: anonymous OBVI. To the moon!

stfumarrieds:

anonymous

OBVI. To the moon!

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I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Jess Mariano is the worst. Okay, not the worst—Rory’s other doucheface boyfriend Logan was the worst. But Jess is the second worst, and I don’t care what any of you bitches say. He wasn’t broody, he was an asshole. He wasn’t a nice guy, he didn’t treat Rory very well, and he was less a bad boy than a brat. Until they turned him into a cheating whore, Dean was the best! He saw Rory when nobody else did and he kissed her in Doosie’s and he told her he loved her and he built her a car! Suit up, Jess, because you’re going to the moon.

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Jess Mariano is the worst. Okay, not the worst—Rory’s other doucheface boyfriend Logan was the worst. But Jess is the second worst, and I don’t care what any of you bitches say. He wasn’t broody, he was an asshole. He wasn’t a nice guy, he didn’t treat Rory very well, and he was less a bad boy than a brat. Until they turned him into a cheating whore, Dean was the best! He saw Rory when nobody else did and he kissed her in Doosie’s and he told her he loved her and he built her a car!

Suit up, Jess, because you’re going to the moon.