Ugh, Madonna. I know this is kicking a horse-faced woman while she’s down (because she fell off a horse) or whatever, but seriously, Madonna has got to go. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER SHENANIGANS. She’s been shenanigizing every since BEFORE I WAS BORN. I don’t even know where to start with a litany of her offenses, but let’s go with an incomplete list of Kabbalah, Kabbalah water, $5 million London Kabbalah centers, the red string bracelet, that attention whorey kiss with Britney Spears that happened forever ago (remember? I’m sure the boys do), her constant ridiculous Malawi baby-adoptin’ drama, her acrimonious split from Guy Richie, her rumored insupportable craziness, the fact that she refuses to age with dignity and grace and thus has transformed herself into something resembling a sinewy piece of beef jerky, and the inappropriate suggestiveness of this advertisement I found via Google Images for her Confessions tour I mean seriously Madonna act like a lady. Also, the single “Music.”
Don’t worry, Madge, there’s a huge Kabbalah center on the moon. I put it there especially for you. They do Pilates and yoga eighteen times a day. You’ll like it.
